you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
