I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
