FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
