Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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