i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's the barista slut.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
