Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
