her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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