Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
