i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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