I think I won the penis lottery.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
