Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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