just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
