let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
