I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
