We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
did i just pee glitter
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
