that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
