I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
