my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
