I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
