wakey wakey hands off snakey
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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