and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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