I smell stomach acid.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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