I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize