So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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