Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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