You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
