I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
