The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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