I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
wow bdsm is so cute
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
