Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
