And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
