he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
