Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
