haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
