i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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