Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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