North Korea, Best Korea!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
