He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
