I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
one might say we're banned from that church
Fuck appropriateness.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
