I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
