I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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