Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
