I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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