I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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