Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
