Who wears a wallet chain?!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
