yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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