and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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