so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
