my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
nutella sex= disaster
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
