Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
