I haven't been this sober since birth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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