literally had 100 drinks last night.
i barfeds in our rink
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You're like the curious george of whores
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize