I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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