Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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