who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
