I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
