I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
