I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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