I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
