just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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