feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
