It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the raccoons are back...
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