I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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