He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
