I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
