i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
