Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize