Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
