he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
