Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
