What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
