Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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