Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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