Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
